Managing your anxiety is, on the face of it, a perfectly reasonable thing to try to do.
In fact, in our culture, it’s often held up as a sign of discipline and self-awareness. Meditation apps proudly track your streak. Breathwork routines get folded into morning schedules. Mindfulness becomes another thing you’re “good at”.
I know someone who proudly told me they’d meditated for an hour a day, every day, for over 500 days. And to be fair, it worked. They felt better. Calmer. More in control.
That’s the thing about managing anxiety. If you’re consistent enough, persistent enough, and disciplined enough, it does work.
Up to a point.
But what most people don’t stop to question is what they’re actually doing when they manage anxiety. And, what it costs them long-term.
Because managing anxiety isn’t the same as resolving it. And confusing the two is where people quietly get stuck.
The cupboard metaphor we don’t talk about
The way I think about anxiety management is this.
Imagine your house is a mess and your in-laws are about to arrive unannounced. You panic. You shove everything into one big cupboard, wedge the broom handle against the door, and stand there smiling, hoping nothing bursts open while they’re there.
From the outside, everything looks fine.
But you know exactly what’s behind that door.
And crucially – you have to keep standing there. Every day. Holding it shut. Because if you walk away, even for a bit, everything spills back out onto the floor.
That’s what most anxiety management looks like.
Meditation. Breathing. Reframing. Journaling. Cold water. Walking. Supplements. Nervous system hacks. All of it can help keep the door closed.
But the mess is still there.
And holding that door shut takes time, energy, and attention. Often far more than people realise.
Why managing anxiety feels responsible
Here’s the uncomfortable part.
Managing anxiety feels good. Not just emotionally, but psychologically.
It gives people:
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a sense of control
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a feeling of self-efficacy
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evidence that they’re “doing something”
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proof that they’re disciplined and capable
For high-functioning, intelligent, driven people, this is especially seductive.
Managing anxiety becomes just another thing they’re good at.
And in many cases, it genuinely does improve their lives – at least on the surface. They sleep a bit better. They function well. They cope.
So why question it?
Because the cost isn’t obvious until you zoom out.
Anxiety isn’t the problem. It’s the signal.
Here’s the reframe most people never get offered.
Anxiety isn’t a malfunction.
It isn’t a character flaw.
It isn’t something to be suppressed or out-performed.
Anxiety is information.
It’s feedback from an internal system that isn’t aligned.
When anxiety shows up, it’s not asking you to calm down. It’s pointing to an internal contradiction; a conflict between what you value, what you believe, what you’re doing, and what your system can actually sustain.
Managing anxiety treats the signal as the problem. Resolving anxiety means listening to what the signal is telling you.
Those are very different goals.
Why high performers struggle more than most
This is where things get interesting.
Many highly successful people are driven by anxiety, at least initially. Fear of failure. Fear of not being enough. Fear of losing control. Fear of going back to scarcity.
That fear can be an incredibly powerful motivator. It pushes people to achieve, to build, to outperform their doubts.
And often, it works.mBut the energy behind that success is fragile.
When your drive comes from fear, the system powering you isn’t sustainable. You might achieve a lot, but you’re running hot. You’re more prone to burnout. More reactive. Less spacious internally.
And that internal state leaks out.
Into your decisions.
Into your leadership.
Into how you treat people.
Not because you’re a bad person. But because the energy underneath it all is doing too much work.
Why insight alone doesn’t resolve anxiety
Most intelligent people don’t lack insight.
They’ve done the therapy. The coaching. The reflection. They understand why they are the way they are. They know their patterns. Their triggers. Their stories.
But insight doesn’t change your internal defaults.
When things move fast – and they always do – you don’t have time to consciously apply what you know. You fall back to conditioning. To habit. To whatever has the strongest emotional charge.
This is where anxiety management falls apart.
Because you can’t “be mindful” in the middle of real-time pressure unless mindfulness is already your default state.
There’s a difference between practising mindfulness and being mindful.
One is rehearsal.
The other is who you are when you’re not thinking about it.
The problem with piling more programmes on top
When people become more aware of their anxiety, they often add more strategies to manage it.
More tools.
More techniques.
More routines.
Ironically, this often increases internal load.
It’s like running too many apps in the background on your phone. Everything slows down.
The system isn’t broken; it’s overloaded.
Real change doesn’t usually come from adding another layer. It comes from removing what’s interfering with your natural state in the first place.
When that interference is gone, things like clarity, intuition, and calm don’t need to be practised. They return on their own.
Speed isn’t the enemy – friction is
We know that humans can change quickly. Dramatically, even.
Becoming a parent can rewire your values overnight. A single experience can shift your priorities in an instant.
So why are we told that resolving anxiety has to take years?
Sometimes going slowly is useful. Not because change itself needs to be slow, but because integration takes time. Your conscious mind needs to catch up with what’s already shifted underneath.
But dragging change out indefinitely doesn’t make it safer. It just delays the result.
And that result is a simpler internal system. More headspace. Better decisions. Less effort.
Why wait years for peace if it could arrive sooner?
Who this way of thinking tends to resonate with
This perspective doesn’t land for everyone.
It tends to resonate with people who:
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value precision over comfort
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are tired of managing themselves
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sense that something is “off” despite doing everything right
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don’t want to slow down – just remove what’s in the way
And it often challenges people who are deeply invested in coping as an identity.
Neither is wrong. Timing matters.
A quieter question to leave you with
What if anxiety isn’t something you need to manage better?
What if it’s information you haven’t been shown how to interpret yet?
And what might become possible if you no longer had to stand in front of that cupboard door every day, holding everything in place?
I explore this in my book Clear Your Anxiety. For Good. Available on Amazon or through me directly at https://books.by/alexia-leachman. Find out more here.