Kindness sucks and we need to be wary of it. Just like being nice.
And that’s because not all kindness is equal. Most of the kindness we experience is the toxic kind.
Toxic kindness is when…
👽 You let others walk all over you and forget about yourself
👽 Your need to be kind or nice sometimes means that you stay quiet and don’t speak up
👽 You do backflips to get approval from others
👽 You suffocate and disempower others by constantly trying to help/fix/rescue them
👽 You ignore your own needs because you keep putting other people’s needs first
👽 Your boundaries suck and you say yes to everything
👽 You people-please and keep the peace because you can’t contemplate the alternative: awkwardness, conflict and discomfort
👽 You shower people in fake compliments while wearing a fake smile (we can tell!)
👽 You don’t say what needs to be said, and it runs around your head for the rest of the day
All of this toxic kindness leads to things like
👽 Insecurity and low self-esteem
👽 Low income or prices
👽 Anxiety and stress
👽 Low self-worth
👽 Crappy and inauthentic relationships
👽 Lack of emotional strength
👽 Being stuck
👽 Constant guilt
And that’s because you’re full of fear. You fear things like
😱 Awkward silences
😱 Not being liked
😱 Being uncomfortable
😱 People taking offence
😱 Being thought of as selfish
😱 Asking for help
😱 Saying no
😱 Being honest
😱 Being alone
😱 Not being needed
It’s crap and it’s time to stop. We’re all affected by this toxic kindness whether we are active participants or just on the receiving end.
It’s time for selfish kindness instead; a kindness that’s good for you and therefore good for everyone.
Selfish kindness is when …
😍 You habitually honour your own needs and put yourself first
😍 You have strong boundaries and you can stand by them
😍 You value yourself and have a strong sense of self-worth
😍 You have authentic, enriching relationships
😍 You feel emotionally strong
😍 You’re not afraid of awkward silences and can access the gold on the other side
😍 You can hold the space for others to breathe and grow on their own
😍 You say what needs to be said when it needs to be said (and you say it kindly)
😍 Your kindness truly benefits others
This toxicity affects everyone badly, but nowhere it more damaging than in the world of birth, pregnancy and motherhood.
And that’s why Mars Lord and I are on a mission to bring Selfish Kindness to the birth world.
Just imagine how we could improve birth for everyone if we took the lead in being selfishly kind.