Kindness sucks and we need to be wary of it. Just like being nice.

And thatโ€™s because not all kindness is equal. Most of the kindness we experience is the toxic kind.

Toxic kindness is whenโ€ฆ
๐Ÿ‘ฝ You let others walk all over you and forget about yourself
๐Ÿ‘ฝ Your need to be kind or nice sometimes means that you stay quiet and donโ€™t speak up
๐Ÿ‘ฝ You do backflips to get approval from others
๐Ÿ‘ฝ You suffocate and disempower others by constantly trying to help/fix/rescue them
๐Ÿ‘ฝ You ignore your own needs because you keep putting other peopleโ€™s needs first
๐Ÿ‘ฝ Your boundaries suck and you say yes to everything
๐Ÿ‘ฝ You people-please and keep the peace because you canโ€™t contemplate the alternative: awkwardness, conflict and discomfort
๐Ÿ‘ฝ You shower people in fake compliments while wearing a fake smile (we can tell!)
๐Ÿ‘ฝ You donโ€™t say what needs to be said, and it runs around your head for the rest of the day

All of this toxic kindness leads to things like
๐Ÿ‘ฝ Insecurity and low self-esteem
๐Ÿ‘ฝ Low income or prices
๐Ÿ‘ฝ Anxiety and stress
๐Ÿ‘ฝ Low self-worth
๐Ÿ‘ฝ Crappy and inauthentic relationships
๐Ÿ‘ฝ Lack of emotional strength
๐Ÿ‘ฝ Being stuck
๐Ÿ‘ฝ Codependency
๐Ÿ‘ฝ Constant guilt

And thatโ€™s because youโ€™re full of fear. You fear things like
๐Ÿ˜ฑ Awkward silences
๐Ÿ˜ฑ Not being liked
๐Ÿ˜ฑ Being uncomfortable
๐Ÿ˜ฑ People taking offence
๐Ÿ˜ฑ Being thought of as selfish
๐Ÿ˜ฑ Asking for help
๐Ÿ˜ฑ Saying no
๐Ÿ˜ฑ Being honest
๐Ÿ˜ฑ Conflict
๐Ÿ˜ฑ Being alone
๐Ÿ˜ฑ Not being needed

Itโ€™s crap and itโ€™s time to stop. Weโ€™re all affected by this toxic kindness whether we are active participants or just on the receiving end.

Itโ€™s time for selfish kindness instead; a kindness thatโ€™s good for you and therefore good for everyone.

Selfish kindness is when …
๐Ÿ˜ You habitually honour your own needs and put yourself first
๐Ÿ˜ You have strong boundaries and you can stand by them
๐Ÿ˜ You value yourself and have a strong sense of self-worth
๐Ÿ˜ You have authentic, enriching relationships
๐Ÿ˜ You feel emotionally strong
๐Ÿ˜ Youโ€™re not afraid of awkward silences and can access the gold on the other side
๐Ÿ˜ You can hold the space for others to breathe and grow on their own
๐Ÿ˜ You say what needs to be said when it needs to be said (and you say it kindly)
๐Ÿ˜ Your kindness truly benefits others

This toxicity affects everyone badly, but nowhere it more damaging than in the world of birth, pregnancy and motherhood.

And thatโ€™s why Mars Lord and I are on a mission to bring Selfish Kindness to the birth world.

Just imagine how we could improve birth for everyone if we took the lead in being selfishly kind.